The New Invention
by Vains
Summary: A one shot about a new invention brought into the soul society by our friendly orange haired soul reaper. Find out what is!


This I decided to re upload it because I recently reread it and thought it was funny even now

Hope you enjoy

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of its characters and I don't own Angry Birds or any of its characters

It was another sunny day in the soul society, everyone walked around the streets enjoying themselves with the company of others at their side. No one expected what was about to happen on this very clear sunny day.

"Ichigo!" Came the voice of the red head as he walked down the hall of the squad six building in the seireitei.

"What?" The teen asked all the while not looking up from the electronic he played with in his hands. Renji opened his mouth to argue about how rude the kid was until he saw what he held. His eyes furrowed and he pointed at the electronic.

"What's that your holding?" He wrinkled his nose questioningly as he went to snatch the object from the other's hand. As he went to grab it, Ichigo swiftly moved his arms to the side, never looking away or stopping his activities. After a few seconds he grumbled and looked up at the dumbfounded red head in slight surprise, slight annoyance.

"Really? You seriously don't know what this is?" He smirked at the irritated look he was given and held out the hand held phone in front of the man's face.

"No dumbass, what is it?" Renji asked again, backing up from the proximity of the object.

"I thought that even you guys would know what it is, but I thought you guys had these things here."

"Would you just tell me!"

"Fine, fine." The orange head raised his arms defensively, then slumped back down in his seat. "Its what you would call a phone. A cellphone."

"That's a phone? You mean those things you guys use in the world of the living to communicate with others? Like our phones, phones?" Renji asked quizzically, snatching the said object from the other's hands and turning around in his to get a better look. "But it doesn't even have any keys. Ichigo, my friend, I think you've been ripped off." He said throwing the phone back to the sitting teen.

"No I haven't! Are you stupid or do you just like acting like you are?" Ichigo yelled gritting his teeth in annoyance. "Look DUMBASS, its TOUCH SCREEN there are no visible keys unless you turn it on, see!" He unlocked the screen on the phone and showed the other, that gave him another quizzical look.

"Oh wait so the keys are like hidden?" He took the phone from the other's hand touching the screen with his fingers, eyes brightening up as the phone made a noise that it had been disturbed.

"Yah." The other said simply, looking at the man as if he were from another planet. Or maybe just slow...

The read head tapped on the keys again calling some random number that he didn't mean to enter in the process. He heard it ring a few times before he noticed what he had done.

"Hello? Is that you sexy? Calling me so late, you know my husband's he-" Before Renji noticed or even got to finish hearing what the voice on the other line was going to say, the phone had been snatched away from his grasp and the line hung by a blushing teen.

He wanted to ask what that was all about but stored it in the little memo box in his head, for later purposes.

Ichigo cleared his throat and stood up straight, trying to make things seem less awkward then what it was.

"So-" Renji said.

"Look it was nothing, so stop asking so many questions, gosh!" Cut in a furiously blushing teen.

"But I-"

"Alright, alright! God it was just a fling, one time thing nothing happened though, I mean she wants me, who wouldn't (smirk), but I wasn't into it... and... you weren't going to ask about that..." He finished seeing the amused look on his friend's face. Again Renji made a mental note to himself to never forget this moment, just in case he needed to do some... black mailing.

"Anyway, what were you doing on your phone, you seemed like you were really focused. Talking to that friend of your's?" The man wriggled his eyebrows suggestively, smiling all the while.

"You know what!... No, never mind, anyway, I was playing a game on it, its called angry birds. Ever played it Renji?" The other shook his head and gave the phone back for Ichigo to show him how.

He did a few swipes of the finger and there it was, that addicting yet frustrating game that had the boy so obsessed.

"You wana play?" The red head nodded taking the phone back and staring at it for while. "You just gotta pull the slingshot with the bird and aim for the pig stuff on the other side, simple enough right?"

"Yeah, seems kinda dumb though. Why and how could birds kill pigs? And why are they the same size?" The orange gave him and 'are you serious right now' look and shook his head.

"Just play the damn game."

"Whatever it seems simple enough."

"Good luck." He waved beginning to walk away from the other.

"Wait where are you going?" Renji asked half-heartedly as he began to play the cursed game.

"I'm going to go ask some questions to Kurotsuchi, how the hell do you guys get reception here?" He wondered off seeing that the other wasn't paying any mind to him.

...

"Ichigoooooooo!" Was all the boy heard before he was attack by the bright red head. They fell to the ground, him being under the pouting man in a very... suggestive position (may I add).

"What the hell? Get off me!" Ichigo squirmed trying to free himself, only making things seem more... suggestive.

"It-it-it DIED!" The man yelled seeming like he was on the verge of tears.

"Wh-what the hell are you talking about?" He asked not bothering to free himself any longer (he was secretly enjoying himself, our sources said). All the other could do was present the item that had him so worked up to the boy.

Ichigo gritted his teeth and pushed the man off him with his full force, getting up in the process.

"Are you freaking telling me that you're all worked up over the stupid phone dying? You had me thinking it was something serious!" His arms flailed around while he scolded the still pouting man.

"Yeah...but, I was just finishing the level I was on, I tried so many times! And I was finally going to do it and then it died! Why?" He whined, all Ichigo could do was pinch the bridge of his nose for patience and try not to punch Renji as much as he wanted to.

"Yeah, you have to charge it, DUMBASS. That's what happens when you use phones continuously without plugging them in, stupid."

"Did you bring the charger?"

"You guys have outlets?"

"Why wouldn't we?"

"What the hell? I thought you guys didn't use electricity."

"And you call me stupid..."

"Shut up and give me that." He responded while snatching the phone away. "No I didn't bring a charger, obviously. Anyway I'm leaving so it doesn't matter. If you really want to use it, you should just get yourself one." The orange head turned his back to Renji, who seemed like a light bulb had just turned on in his head, and walked off to the doors that would get him back to his world.

(Two weeks later)

"Yo." Ichigo greeted his petite friend as he walked into seireitei from the senkaimon. He waited for a respond from the girl but all he got was a half-hearted nod and fingers swiping on... a phone? "Is that a touch screen your holding?"

"Yeah, they're the new chappy phones that just came out, everyone has them" She replied quickly, the faster she replies the faster she can concentrate on her game.

"Chappy... phones? You mean that stupid rabbit stuff that you're always drawing?"

"How rude, it's not stupid! But yes, it is."

"Why the hell did you call it that?"

"Surprisingly enough it was my brother that came up for the name and slogan for the back." She paused the game and showed the back of the phone to the teen who looked like he was still processing the earlier information into his head.

The back showed a picture of a bunny rabbit that resembled the usual drawings that Rukia made.

"Let me guess you drew it?"

"Isn't it just so cute? There's also chappy covers and backgrounds, even when you turn it on it plays the chappy song!" He looked at her with an "you're joking, right?' kind of look, but knew it was probably true since her and her brother were so... into "cute" things.

"Anyway, I thought you guys didn't have this kind of technology here, at least it's what Renji said." They began walking towards a new part of sereitei which wasn't there the last time he had visited.

"Yeah, thanks to him we came up with the chappy phones. He said he saw it in some kind of dream or something." At that moment Ichigo swore that the next time he saw his idiotic friend he would bash his face in.

"What the hell?" Ichigo said when he noticed his surroundings. Everywhere he looked he saw stores and people walking around. It was like a

"Shopping district?" He read the billboard that hanged on the far end of the district.

"Yeah, it's the new and improved one as well."

"Wait, you mean to tell me that it was always here?"

"Yeah, where do you think we buy our outfits from? Or the bars and such, they were all here, but it was all to boring looking so no one made it a big deal, until the chappy phones came out. Since we were selling them we had to make something new to attract the costumers!"

The teen took a deep breath in and tried not to think about how many districts where those poor souls lived had to be torn down to make this.

"Hey Ichigo! Just the man I wanted to see, how's your friend doing?" Renji didn't even have time to think before he was thrown back in the air by the force of the other's fist colliding with his face.

"Wh-what the hell was that for?" He yelled rubbing his abused face and whipping the blood from his nose.

"Dream? Friend? You wana have an early death don't you?" The red head knew exactly what the other was talking about and gave an apologetic look backing out from the defensive position he had taken.

"Haha, sorry, but anyway. Have you seen all the improvements we made? Pretty sweet ain't it?" He said pointing with is finger at his most favorite parts.

"Yeah, but when the hell did you guys have time with... is that... the angry birds game I showed you?" He walked up to the store with the t-shirts of said game displayed on the front?

"Yeah, these baby's were sold out as soon as they came out."

"Best app ever!" Rukia commented from behind them, having going back to tapping her finger on her new electronic.

"Let me see one of them." Renji handed him his phone, proud of his "invention". Ichigo noticed that the phone looked like any normal phone with the exception of the slogan in the back. Even though he had to admit it was pretty crafty work from only having his phone for a few hours. "So you mean to tell me that you did all this from just having my phone for a few hours?"

"Pssh, its even better than your hunk of junk, not only does it have the same things as a normal soul reaper phone but this phone doesn't die and to unlock it, it has to recognize the spiritual pressure of its owner."

"So wait why doesn't it die?"

"Its charged by your spiritual pressure." Rukia was the one that answered this time, all the while her eyes never leaving the screen.

"Well, I have to admit you guys came up with an ingenious invention there. Pretty cool." Ichigo said handing back the phone to its owner. "And Renji to be stupid you're pretty smart, to remember all that stuff on my phone, it even has an apps store and internet... haha. Nicely done." He praised the man who flushed and acted all shy.

"Oh Ichi, you're too much! It wasn't that much of a big deal. I'm just like this all the time."

"Don't let it get to your head, I just said it 'cuz it's not everyday that a miracle happens." He received a light punch on the arm from the red head who acted like he was mad at the comment.

"Kurosaki, I see you're here." They all turned their heads to see the captain of squad six and Rukia's brother, Byakuya, walking out from a seemingly dark store with tinted black windows and noise that wouldn't be heard everyday.

Rukia and Renji greeted normally, but Ichigo stared between the man and the store he had just left with increasing curiosity.

"Um, hey Byakuya. What store's that?" He asked pointing at the building behind the man.

"It's not a store." Rukia replied looking at her phone again. She seemed to be playing a game much like angry birds but with rabbits instead.

"Then?..."

"It is what you would call an adult club." Byakuya said simply, making the teen widen his eyes in surprise and as his mouth fell to the ground.

"Captain's been into erotic stuff lately." Renji snickered as he looked at the club doors opening, letting out a massive amount of noise from the inside.

"Bight your tongue Abarai, I was invited here."

"By me!" Shinji, the person that had just exited the building, walked towards them wrapping an arm around the other captain's neck. Ichigo furrowed his eyebrow's more but closed his mouth, half knowing that it would be something that Shinji would do, now how he got Byakuya to join, would be a mystery to them all (or would it?).

"And the number one pervert appears folks!" Rukia commented, having left her prior occupation, to mess with the blonde man.

"Me? You should've seen your darling brother in there-uff" He didn't finish as the air was knocked out of him and he fell to the ground in pain.

No one minded him knowing full well what had happened and decided to move on ahead as to not attract anymore attention.

As the night went on (at some point it turned to night), more and more people came out an about to the streets of the district. Everything was much more lively and Ichigo thought that things had progressed in a good way.

Oh how wrong he was.

(A few weeks later)

"Yo, I'm back." Ichigo said as he walked in through the senkaimon onto seireitei. Everything seemed so dead. It was so quiet it bothered the young man. He walked around the streets only to find bodies of people lying around. He panicked and checked to see if they were alright. Of course they were, but it seemed that they were exhausted, with little to no spiritual pressure in them.

Ichigo ran straight to his usual hang out, the squad six barracks, where he found the same as in every other place. Soul reapers lying around.

He ran straight to the captain's and lieutenant's office to find them there looking almost half dead.

"Renji! Byakuya! What's wrong with you guys? What's wrong with everyone around here?"

"Oh...Ichigo, is that you?" Renji looked like an old man on his death bed as he tried searching for the boy's face.

"Yeah, what the hell happened to everyone?" He walked up to the half dead man who still searched for his face.

"I can't see you Ichi, have you disappeared or have I gone blind?"

"Open your eyes dumbass" Said man responded irritated at the other's stupidity.

"Ah, there you are. You're so bright Ichi, your hair... it looks more orange than usual and- (coughs)... has it gotten longer?" Renji coughs again like he was on the brim of life and death.

"Stop with the melodramas and answer me already."

"He does not want to confess the utter stupidity that he committed." Byakuya's voice came from behind them as he straightened up (as much as he could) on his chair.

"What'd he do?"

"With the recent activities for us, no one's had time to put much effort into much of anything else. With the indulgence of such pleasures, most didn't follow their duties as soul reapers and-"

"We got our shopping district taken away by the higher ups!" Renji cried, not caring about the not so powerful glare his captain was giving him for being interrupted.

"So is that the reason why everyone looks so dead?"

"No, it's because those stupid phones were defective! They at one point began absorbing too much spiritual pressure, even when you let them go they absorbed it. We had to break them in a very special way just to get them to stop. Damn captain Kurotsuchi with his damn phone."

"So let me get this straight, you guys were abusing of the district and because of that got it taken away, so instead of fixing yourselves up you went and turned to those phones and over used them causing them to glitch?"

"...Yeah pretty much." Renji answered getting up from his seat.

"Abarai's the one to blame for this." Byakuya came out, scowling and swiftly throwing and object from his desk at Renji, who couldn't avoid it and fell back down to his seat.

He writhed in pain for a few seconds before looking back at his captain with a slight overly dramatic glare.

"You broke my nose captain! You could have really killed me with that!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Said captain looked away with what he would call and undignified look on his face, but really could care less about it at this point.

"Anyway , I still don't see how this is my fault." Renji said exasperated as he walked behind the onlooking boy, that had an entertained look on his face, just in case he he was attacked by another object on the captain's desk (which if I may add, were very dangerous looking and harmful in thrown at).

"We have to blame someone for it, and captain Kurotsuchi could care less if we blamed him for it. So you will be the one we blame, since you came up with these ideas in the first place." He replied dropping the polite and proper tone and usage of words from his mouth.

"All you guys have to do is moderate yourselves in all this indulging of "pleasures" and you can get your shopping district back, and you can just fix the defective phones and stuff. I mean I did come to show this new app that they got, thought you might like it." Ichigo finally spoke and handed the phone to the red head who seemed to have another light bulb flickering in his head.

Ichigo knew that Renji's ideas would only bring more problems to everyone but decided that it would be fun to see how it all plays out in the end.

And this my friend's is how the first touch screen cellphone and the new and improved shopping district came to be.

The End (Or is it?)

Wow hahahaha totally did not play out the way I had it planned. You know those times when you have a really good idea and then it all plays out in you head just the way you want it, but then when it gets down to writing it it turns out to be total bull because you changed the story? Yeah well it happened to me. Don't really mind though.

Anyway this was a one shot that I thought of this morning while riding the bus and thinking how nice it would be to play fruit ninja. But my phone is non existent. Well yeah, hoped you enjoyed.

Don't forget to comment! :D

By the way I didn't fix the mistakes after reading it so if you could let me know sonI can fix it. Thanks! (I know I'm horrible even till today ?)

PS: DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUT MY OTHER STORIES! They need love too.


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